Does he want a mint?

Curious title, huh? There were other considerations…among the finalists were:

• “Thank you Lord that I restocked the wipes this morning”
• “I used to pack an extra change of clothes in the diaper bag but he hasn’t had an explosion since…”
• “I’ll give $5 to anyone who can locate an item that does NOT have poop on it”
• “Birth Control”
• “Should I have tipped that Chic Fil A girl?”
• “Chic Fil A should have an outdoor hose available to customers”

Yes, my friends, we had a MAJOR diaper explosion at Chic Fil A today.  Moms of tots, take heed, lest you thought those days had passed. We met my friend Kelly (who has no children) for lunch today.  We had all finished eating and were chatting…when I smelled it.  After a quick peek, I could tell it was contained and decided to change it in a few minutes, right before we left the restaurant.  Mistake number one.  Several minutes later Wade got antsy and was asking to be held.  As I pulled him out of the high chair I noticed that there was something on his leg.  Further investigation led me to conclude that this substance was also on the high chair, his shoes, the floor and my diaper bag.  Shortly thereafter I put 2 and 2 together.  We rushed off to the bathroom.  Of course a nonhandicapped, non-baby toting young lady was using the big stall with the changing table.  So I stood there hold my son on his stomach across my arms.  All the while he is alternating between a cry and “vroom vroom”, still holding the purple car in his hand (this would be the only item that did not have poop on it if you were looking to collect $5).  For the first time in my life I used the strap provided on most public changing tables.  Here is where I proclaim “Thank you Lord that I restocked the wipes this morning!”.  Of course I used every last one.  I’ll spare you the details but I’ll just say this is when I was thinking about suggesting the outdoor hose concept.

All the while, I’m pondering what my friend Kelly is thinking (probably “well, that was enough birth control for the next 5 years!”).  And I’m also anticipating the mess that is waiting for me.  Well, praise God, Kelly had summoned a Chic Fil A worker (the one I probably should have tipped, or offered to pay her college tuition next year).  This girl is calmly and thoroughly cleaning every surface (including my diaper bag)…what a doll. Of course I thank her profusely to which she replies “no big deal, it happens pretty frequently” (really? hmm).  So, I’m standing at the table trying decide the plan of action when the Chic Fil A princess offers me a mint for Wade.  Hmmm, interesting offer.  The obvious is that a 16 month old should probably skip the hard candy for now.  But I’m really curious why a mint…of all the things to offer, why a mint?  She sees my puzzled expression and adds “for his breath, you know…in case he wants to get that taste out of his mouth”.  Huh? Oh dear. Sweet, sweet girl.  I glance at Kelly and it is evident she is coming to the same conclusion I am at the exact same moment. You think you are cleaning up throw up.  Do I enlighten her? Which is worse - cleaning up vomit or poop? Can I poll the other Chic Fil A customers? .  Vomit: 5; Poop: 20.  Let her live in oblivion.  We’ve got to get the kid, the poopy diaper bag, the dirty clothes and ourselves out of here ASAP.  Gathering it all up we make it to the car…Kelly’s face still looks as though she’s seen a ghost.  I buckle Wade in his seat then Kelly and I chat outside the car for 10 minutes.  By the time I get in, Wade has fallen asleep.  I didn’t have the heart to wake him up for a much needed bath when we got home.  So he’s currently sleeping in his bed…at the first signs of waking he will be commandeered to the bath tub for a scrub down and sheets will be washed…and bleached. 

Ah, the joys of parenthood.  Funny, as I was getting my hair cut this morning I was telling Jarrod about Andrew & my weekend away and how fun it was to golf and hike and tube and just do what we wanted when we wanted.  We agreed that doesn’t happen too often with little ones around…the list of outdoor hobbies that are kid appropriate is pretty short.  I guess Wade heard me and wanted to remind me how adventurous life with a toddler can really be!

P.S. Sorry this post doesn’t include pictures….really, though, you should be glad.